The wonderful storie book of SUPER JASPER!
by LethalxLilly
Summary: Jasper has finally went of the deep end. But who cares? As long as the barbies keep coming, and the camels keep moving. Rated: Beef, for serious brain damage. Author of Dear Mr. Diary
1. OMG YOU BROKE IT?

**Jaspers story YAY!**

"JASPER! JASPER!" Emmett yelled, and burst through the door, literally, breaking it.

"What?" I said, annoyed.

"I HAVE A SHOELACE!" He screamed.

"That's great Emmett. Now, why don't you go PLAY with your new shoelace and then hmm well I dunno... LEAVE ME ALONE SO I CAN SULK!?"

"OK!" He ran through the wall.

I sighed and started painting my nails black (again). Edward walked in, "Jasper." He said.

"What!?"

"Dude Alice just destroyed that motorcycle" He looked a little worried.

"OH crap!" I said, getting up, "ALICE!" I screamed, running through the broken door.

Alice was in the garage, "Whoops" she said.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!?"

"Well um... I ran it over with my Porsche..." She looked at the Porsche.

"Alice" I said, my voice low and dangerous, "If you don't fix the damn thing I WILL DESTROY YOUR PORSCHE!" I screamed.

"Ok OK!" She said, "But I think I'm out of money..."

**Yea this is the beginning. I promise it's gonna get way way way better.**

**Hit review**


	2. Are those the voices?

**Yea heres the next chapter YAY! I'm bored and attempting to make my story good.**

I sat in my room, sulking for no good reason when suddenly, I heard...

THE VOICES.

"Jasperrr" The one named Emo whispered.

"Jasper!" Sweeney said.

"What do you two want from me!?"

"Jasperrrr I know were you live!" Emo said.

"Yea of course you do! PROVE IT!" I said, folding my arms across my chest.

"Umm..." Emo said.

"You live in that house, on that street, in that block, in that city, in that state, in that country, in that world." Sweeney said.

"Damn." I said.

"YEA! And I'm gonna kill you!" Sweeney said, "I will have my revenge!"

"Um yea, sorry to burst you um 'revenge' bubble but you can't kill me because 1: your just a voice in my head, and 2: I'm indestructible." I said.

"Right." Emo said.

"DAMN YOU VAMPIRES!" Sweeney said.

"SIGN OF THE DEVIL!" Crazy Lucy yelled. **(Crazy Lucy is Sweeney's loopy wife. You know shes all like, "Smoke! smoke! Sign of the devil!" And all that jazz.)**

"Oh hey crazy Lucy." I said.

----------------

Everyones outside Jasper's new fixed door.

--------------------

Alice POV

"I think he's talking to himself again" I said.

"Yea" Everyone agreed.

"Oh hey crazy Lucy." Jasper's voice trailed through the door.

We all giggled, "He's nuts" I said.

"Agreed." Everyone muttered.

------------------------

Back in Jasper's head.

--------------

Jazz POV

"Um Sweeney you killed crazy Lucy" I said.

"Yea well... I didn't know it was her! GOD!" Sweeney said.

"True." said Emo.

"I feel bad for me! That stupid judge and his Beadle." Crazy Lucy muttered.

"Dont't we all?" I asked.

"Yea" Everyone said.

"So anyways I've got stuff to do. Can you guys get out of my head now?"

"Yea sure." They all said, fading out over the rainbow in the sky.

I laid back on the bed that was magically there, then I thought about getting out my laptop. But I decided I'm to lazy to move so...

"ALICE!" I yelled.

The door opened, "Here's your laptop." she said, throwing it and slamming the door, which broke. Again.

"AH!! FIX THE DOOR TOO!" I shouted.

"DO IT YOURSELF!" She yelled.

"FINE!"

I magiced the door. And POOF it was fixed.

I turned on the black and bright green laptop, "Hm what should I do?"

I logged onto AIM.

-Jazz logged in-

Alice: Hey Jazz!

Jazz: I really do think you're insane Alice, and did you get my motorcycle thing fixed?

Alice: Maybe...

Jazz: Whatever.

-Emmett has butted in-

Emmett: Hey JAZZ!

Jazz: What?

Emmett: Remember my shoelace?

Jazz: Yea sure.

Alice: Shoelace?

Emmett: Well turns out it was a tie.

Alice: Ohmywow

Jazz: Emmett, please tell me you have a brain.

Emmett: Ok I have a brain : )

Jazz: Nvm.

Alice: I'm gonna go shopping.

Jazz: Wern't you "out of money"?

Alice: Um no... GOTTA GO!

Jazz: FIX MY BIKE!

-Alice logged off-

Jazz: That grinds my gears.

Emmett: DO you know what grinds my gears?

Jazz: Should I ask?

Emmett: Yep

Jazz: Fine. What grinds your gears?

Emmett: The Ice Cream truck. It's all like, "Hello!" and plays that annoying music.

-Jazz logged out-

Emmett: Jasper?

**OK I liked the voices. Haha I've got videos to post on myspace so yea...  
I'm gonna go do that. And I made a video with my friend about the ice cream truck grinding my gears. It's great**

**HIT REVIEW **


	3. What did you do to Rosalie?

**Yea I'm on a role with chapters and stuff. It's fun to write chapters about Jasper instead of Emmett. But Emmett's fun too. **

I skipped down the stairs and decided to go for a walk.

I skipped out the front door and to the park that poofed into existence.

I walked around and around and some kid started calling me "emo"

"EMO! EMO! EMO!" he screamed, pointing at me.

I looked around, no one was there... well besides a real group of emo kids all the way across the park, skateboarding. I picked up the little kid and ran into the woods. Let me tell you. He was shocked. I drowned him. And he died. The end. Well i walked around to the emo kids and they were like, "Dude, you're one of us."

"Um no I'm not." I said.

"So why is your arm super scarred?"

"Those are bite marks." I said.

"OMG! Bite marks? Is that like... the new cutting?"

"No I have very stupid dogs." I lied, I made them feel stupid and then walked away.

I got home and Alice tackled me with a hug, "I LOVE YOU JASPER!"

"Um Ok? That's great but your gonna kill me."

"Silly goosie! You're indestructible!" Alice said, kissing me. Emo love.

"EW!" Emmett yelled, walking in.

"Go play with Rosalie's hair." I said.

"OK! ROSALIE!" He shouted, walking out of the living room.

---------------------

30 minutes later.

"JASPER! JASPER!" Emmett yelled.

"What now?" I said.

"I wanna show you Rosalie's new hair style!" I said.

"Ok?"

Emmett pulled Rosalie into the room. She looked horrible. She had lipstick on her eyelids and her hair was frizzy and out of control. She had blush everywere and eyeliner on her nose. She was wearing cow boy boots and a green and orange dress.

"How do I look!?" Rosalie said. She obviously hasn't looked into the mirror yet, I didn't hear her screams of terror.

"Um like crap." I said.

"Emmett can I look in the mirror yet?" She asked.

"Um no..." He said.

"Oh well I'm looking anyways!" They disappeared. And then I heard the screams of terror and lots of things breaking.

I shook my head and pretended I heard nothing.

**Yep Emmett has NO style. At all**


	4. Esme goes insane just a little

**Mkay. So I'm updating for Jasper. Obviously.**

"BUT! BUT! IT WAS EMMETT! ALL I WAS DOING WAS SITTING HERE WATCHING HIM!" I screamed.

Esme frowned, "So why didn't you stop him then?" She asked.

"I was playing x-box..." **A/n Pft. Boys**

"Mhmm. And you could've prevented the broken window thingie and the kitchen fire. These games arn't even addicting!" She said.

"But I was busy high jacking a carrrrr!" I said.

"Yes well as fun as that sounds I think your grounded for a month and you have to pay for damages!" She said in a huff.

"BUT I DIDN'T BREAK IT OR SET IT ON FIRE! EMMETT SHOULD PAY!" I shouted. I used my freaking awesome controlly power to make her feel bad about putting it all on me. Thank you emotional powers. Hey being Emo in my human life was a help.

"Fine. Emmett will pay. And you're grounded from the x-box" She said, then quickly added, "And psp and ps2 and the wii and the Nintendo and everything else." She said.

At that moment, I flipped out my phone and started to call Alice, but Esme held out her hand for the phone. "Awwugh" I said.

------------------

6 minutes later.

I walked downstairs and saw Esme playing my x-box game. And she just high jacked a motorcycle.

"ESME!" I yelled.

"What what!? I'm busy!" She said, ignoring me.

"And you said they wern't addicting."

"What said wern't huh?" she said, eyes glued to the screen.

"Esme." I said.

"BUSY! BUSY! BUSY!" She screeched. At that moment she laughed evilly and ran over a cop.

"Ohmygod." I said. Edward appeared, "What is she doing?"

"Ohmygod" I said again, "I think mom just went insane."

Esme laughed again and ran over more cops and was shooting EVERYTHING. She blew up a building.

"NO ONE CAN BEAT ME!!!" She screamed.

"I can!" I challenged.

She paused and turned, her face was twisted... like she was obsessed, "No one can beat me! NO ONE! NO ONE!" she screamed.

"I can I bet." Edward looked at me like I was nuts.

"RAHPLAHPLAHPLAH!" She screamed, throwing the controller and running out of the room with her hands in the air, shaking back and forth.

Edward put his hand on my shoulder, "I think I'm gonna go find Carlisle and ask him for medication for Esme." He said.

I nodded, my mouth open in an O. I was shocked, "You... You do that." I said. He vanished.

**Haha Man I love this. Esme's gone nuts!**

**REVIEW**


	5. Barbies Mexico My Humps Fergie?

**Ok so I dunno what to write for Jasper and I'm requesting ideas. If you give me a good idea and your name i will put you in this umm thing were I write my ideas? And I will include you in my story!  
YAY! Ok here we go. **

**Oh! Try to make it go into the next chapter.**

I was sitting in my room and then for no good reason at all I got up and went to my closet. I flung back the doors and began throwing everything over my shoulder... until I found _them_.

Chapter I don't know what number this is. **Jasper's obsession.**

I giggled and said, "Ohmygosh! Barbie it has been _so_ long since we talked!" I made the doll talk back in a girly voice.

"I've missed you too Jasper! We should like, go shopping!"

"No way. Shopping is not fun anymore." Not since Alice got her credit card, I added mentally.

"OH! Well I can model for you!"

"No, no. Alice does that to much. And god does she have a wardrobe. It takes hours to put on two outfits." I explained.

"Oh. Psh fine then! Our relationship is over! Best Ex-Friends FOREVER!"

"Ok whatever." I threw her into the closer. I pulled out Theresa.

"Hey girlfran!" I said. But before I could make her talk Emmett burst through my door, "I WANNA PLAY TOO!" He screamed.

"OK! Just shut up!" I said, exasperated.

"OK! Can I be the faerie Barbie thing?" He asked. I made him call down... A bit.

"Yea sure whatever." I said. Emmett raided my closet, and grabbed the Barbie he wanted.

"Hey Theresa!" He said, making his Barbie wave.

"Hey there!" I said, in the girly voice. This was Barbie's only. No Jasper, no Emmett.

"What do you wanna do today!?"

"OMG! I have no clue Barbie!" I said, making Theresa flip her brown hair back, "I'm renaming myself to BOB! It's a sexy name!"

"Ok. Guess what BOB!"

"What!"

Emmett made the wings flutter, "I CAN FLY!" He made the doll jump, and then he made it go in circles.

"OMG! THAT'S TOTALLY COOL!" I made my Barbie's voice high pitched. And Emmett opened his mouth to replay but Edward burst through the door (Like Emmett, but Edward was more excited!), "OMG!" He screamed. Joy. Edward and the Barbie's. AGAIN. Emmett shuddered at the memory of LAST time we played Barbie. We wound up in Mexico on camels. And don't even ask.

"I WANNA PLAY!" He screamed, jumping up and down. My power didn't even effect him the slightest. He just kept jumping.

"CAN I BE THE BROWN HAIRED ONE!?" He shouted.

"Um sure?" We said. Edward ran into the closet and back out.

"I'm naming her Bella!" He said. Then BAM! Out of no were it hit me... no really. It did.

"My dolls name is Alice!" I said, "But first let me get the black haired one and the scissors!" I ran, and was back. Alice and Rosalie had Ken dolls.

Alice grinned, "Let's play!" she shouted.

Rose nodded, "My dolls Emmett!"

"MINES JASPER!" Alice screamed.

Bella, who I didn't notice at first, was sitting in the corner, curled in a ball and rocking back and forth, repeating, "Not Mexico, Not Mexico! BAD CAMEL! BAD CAMEL!" She screamed hysterically.

We threw a Ken doll at her, she grabbed it and screamed, "EDWARD!? IS THAT YOU!? THEY TURNED YOU INTO A DOLL!? NO! NO! NO! MY LIFE IS OVER!" She was screaming super loud.

"SHUT UP!" I screamed.

She began hitting her head on the wall... then she dropped forward, knocked herself out. We laughed at her.

----------------

5 minutes later.

"OHMYGOSH!" Alice said, in MY voice, "Alice you look super sexy in that model outfit! WORK IT!"

I made the doll do a 360 turn on the stage we made. Emmett laughed, "OMG! YOUR GONNA MAKE THE COVER OF THAT NEW MAGAZINE!" He screeched, in Rosalie's voice.

"Omg. Rose, shut up!" She said.

"No way! I'm your wife!"

"YOU WISH YOU WERE MARRIED TO ME! YOU DON'T CONTROL ME!" She shouted in Emmett's voice. Mocking him from 3 weeks ago... again.

Alice made the "Jasper" doll jump on the stage and make out with the "Alice" doll.

Edward sat there, "Oh my god. Alice I'm so bored. I'm gonna go high jack your Porsche." He made the doll walk out. But I made my doll run after him... her... whatever!

"NO WAY! LET ME TAKE YOU SHOPPING!" I screamed. Hopefully Alice would realize this was all she ever did.

"No way Alice that's boring!"

"Well Bella it's not like I already have 60 billion outfits!"

"You do."

"WELL AT LEAST I CAN WEAR THEM!" I made her scream.

"Alice I could wear them too."

"Psh screw this, let's go to Mexico." I said, in my voice.

"Yea!" Everyone cheered. We looked at the unconscious Bella, "Should we just leave her here?" Edward asked.

"Yea sure, sure, why not?" We said together.

"WE'RE GOING TO MEXICO MOM!" Emmett yelled.

"OK SWEETIES! DON'T LET THE CAMELS GET YOU AGAIN!" She shouted.

"WE WON'T!"

"DON'T FORGET TO GET MY DRY-CLEANING! AND MY NEW PURSE! AND THE MAIL! AND DON'T FORGET YOU LUNCH BOXES! AND DON'T FOREGET YOU GAS MONEY OR YOUR CELL-" While she was ranting, we inched to the door. And then we were in Alice's Porsche and half way to Mexico.

"Camels... why do they have humps?" Rose asked.

Emmett said, "So they can star in Fergie's song, My humps! DUH! I mean wouldn't that make sense? When shes like 'My humps my humps my humps my humps!' They can show camels!"

I smacked my hand onto my head. This would be a long trip to Mexico.

"WE'RE HERE!" Alice cried.

Or not.

**Yep. The Cullen's and them Barbie dolls... and stuff -smile-**

**REVIEW**


	6. Diapers!

**Sooo I have this awesome idea right? It's pretty rad. So I'm gonna type it up.**

"Hey Edward!" I called.

"What?"

"Wanna go buy diapers and put them on Emmett?"

"Oh god yes!" He said.

"Awesome! Let's go buy them then!" I said, snatching up my keys.

-------------------------2 hours later-----

"Emmettttt" I called, softly. I grinned at Edward who grinned back.

"YES!?" He said appearing out of no were.

I pulled out a diaper, "Put this on!"

"OK!" He sniffed it first, "ALRIGHTY!" **Author fun fact/thing: My brother's watching Brave Heart : ) I love that movie! And also, I became a rare species! A Cough-a-saur's Rex!! LE GASP! I'm amazing!**

He grabbed it and ran into the closest room.

"AH! EMMETT! GET OUT!" Rosalie screamed, and the door opened, Emmett flew out-feeling rather "happy" you could say-and the door slammed.

"My bad!" He called, and went into the next room.

After 5 minutes of waiting for Emmett he called my name, "Jasper!"

"What?" I replied, feeling his embarrassment.

"I don't know how these go on!" He said.

"Um... Well... you put your legs through the two holes and make sure that the tag is in the back!" I said, hoping he wouldn't ask me to help.

"I don't get it!" He called.

Then Koda and Sarah walked up the stairs, "Emmett!" Koda called.

"KODA!" He called, he hit the door, then it opened.

"LE GASP! EMMETT PUT PANTS ON!" Sarah shouted.

Koda had fallen down the stairs-Alice caught her though-and Sarah's hands flew to her eyes.

"What? I'm wearing a diaper!" He said, looking down.

"Emmett... It's on wrong..." I said, feeling so... nauseated.

Rosalie came out, grabbed Emmett and pulled him through the door.

"Is he gone?" Sarah asked.

"Yep" I said.

Sarah looked around, "Were's Koda?"

Then there was a scream, "AHH!! HELP ME! NO ALICE! NOT THE MAKE-UP! NOT THE MAKE-UP!" **: P Whatcha think she was doing? Eating me? Ch'yea right. I'd go ninja on her marble -beep- Lol. -inside joke between friends-**

Koda ran down the stairs, and know Alice, she wasn't far behind. I moved in front of the stairs to block Alice. She darted around my outstretched arms. So I grabbed the back of her shirt, "AH! MY SHIRT! THIS WAS 1000$ JASPER! YOU RIPPED IT!" She screamed.

"Dude, you owe me a motorcycle." I said. Two can play the game.

"Yea..." She freed herself from my grip and darted upstairs.

"JASPER!" Rosalie screamed, angry.

"Oh crap" I muttered.

"WHY IS EMMETT WEARING A DIAPER!?" She was furious, "GET IN HERE **NOW**!"

"Coming!" I said, actually full of fear.

"NOW!" She screeched.

**Not so great! But now Emmett wears diapers! He doesn't like the boxers or the other underwear crap...**

**Review! Goal: 50**


	7. yo

**Just wanna let you all know,**

**i don't know when I will be updating. I'm writing a story and making it into a manga with my biffle (Bffl) and its fun : ) So yea.**

**Also I have no fresh ideas.**

**Yep.**

**I'll try to update soon.**

**Koda**


	8. Ball

I threw a ball at the wall and caught it as it came back.

After five minutes Alice walked in and the ball smacked her in the face.

"OW!! SH!!! OW!!! GODDAMMIT!" She had her hand over her nose.

"Oops... should've sensed you." I grinned and caught the ball as she whipped it at me.

"Idiot!" She shouted as she ran downstairs to Carlisle, "I'LL GET YOU BACK!"

"YOU TRY THAT!" I shouted.

"I WILL! OH! CARLISLE! Can you look at my nose?" I heard Carlisle laugh.

Then I started throughing the ball at the wall again.

And after about an hour Emmett walked in with a frying pan on his head, "THERE IT IS SERGANT! THERES THE TICKING BOMB!" he yelled, pointing at the ball that was flying from my hand to the wall and back again.

"Bomb?" I was cunfused.

"YEAH!" Emmett said.

I looked at the ball.

"Pft. Yeah right Emmett. Last time you told me my laptop was a bomb." I threw the ball at the wall and it exploded, sending Emmett and I flying throw the wall.

I heard Esme screaming, "MY WALL! MY BEAUTIFUL WALL! NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?"

I sat up, "Emmett... ball... explode..." I said.

Then Alice was in my face, "TOLD YA!" She said.

"Ugh."

"NOW! TO THE MALL!!" She screamed, while grabbing me by my wrist and dragging me against my will, to the mall.

Were we would be until the mall closed.  
At 10 pm. And it was only 11 am.

I was screwed, "NO! ALICE NO! NOT THE MALL!!!"

"YES! THE MALL!" She laughed evily as she shoved me into her car and hit the gas.

**Short hope it was good. **

**I like the ball hitting Alice. And of course, she had it all planned.**


	9. SWAT team

**Yea I never update for this story... so I thought I should...**

"JASPER! JASPER! JASPER!!" Alice screamed.

I took a deep breath and screamed extremely loud, "WHAT!!"

"I THINK I LEFT MY PURSE UP THERE CAN YOU GET IT!?"

"NO! GET IT YOURSELF!" I shouted.

"YOU SUCK!"

"So does you mom!"

"OHO!! BURN! ALICE DO YOU WANT SOME ICE FOR THAT BURN!?" Emmett shouted.

"SHUT UP EMMETT!" Alice was getting pissy.

I layed on my bed and started to fold a piece of paper into a plane...

When suddenly...

"BOOM!" Emmett burst through the wall.

"BOMB!!" he shouted pointing.

Then the SWAT team came through the windows... walls and the ceiling... and floor...

"EMMETT WHAT DID YOU DO!?" I shouted.

"I have NO CLUE... but whatever I did it's cool! Like a movie... ya know?" He said.

"JASPER WHITLOCK YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR MAKING PAPER BOMBS!" One dude yelled.

"What!?"

"YOU CAN COME WITH US OR WE CAN FORCE YOU TO!"

"But!"

"No butt's..." The SWAT team laughed.

"Emmett your dead." I said.

"NOW DEATH THREATS!? YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL FOR ASSAULT AND DEATH THREATS!" The dude shouted.

"How about death wish?" I asked.

"Why?"

"Because you're gonna wish you NEVER came through the walls... windows... or floor... or ceiling for that matter..." I said.

"Why?" The SWAT guy asked.

"OHMYGOD! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY WALLS!? AND THE WINDOWS!? AHH! THE FLOOR AND CEILING TOO!? WHO IS RESPONSIBLE!?" Esme screeched.

"Emmett and these SWAT dudes..." I said.

"Ma'am this boy is making death threats and-" The SWAT dude began.

"I DON'T CARE! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY WALL!?" Esme screamed.

"Ma'am..." Then Esme killed them all and beat the crap out of Emmett.

--5 days later.

"STORY TIME STORY TIME!" Emmett shouted.

"EMMETT GO AWAY!" I shouted.

He ran into my room, "STORY!!"

"Will you go away if I tell one?" I asked.

"Yea... sure"

"OK... There was once an ugly barnacle" I started.

"Yea!"

"He was SO ugly"

"Uhuh!"

"That everyone died. The end. Now go away!"

"FINE!"

**Not very good.. oh well. I was talking to this kid from Canada and we were talking about how I spelled Canada wrong... we still are... Lol.**


	10. George

**I have to many stories. xD HELP ME!**

So Esme kicked Emmett's ass along with the swat team and I was left to mope in my room alone, AT LAST.

Then suddenly, Edward, YES EDWARD, burst through my door.

"GET OUT" I demanded.

"No way! Dude Alice and Rosalie are kick boxing! You should come watch!" He said, breathlessly.

"Nah. Alice will win." I said, playing with my nails.

"NO! HOW COULD I LOSE!? Alice screamed from downstairs.

Edward rolled his eyes and walked out.

I pulled out my laptop.

-Jasper signs on-

Jasper-What do I do dr. phil!? I'm depressed!  
Dr.Phil-Just cut yourself! Let the STRESS OUT.  
Jasper-Ok! Thank you!  
Dr.Phi-No problem!  
-Jasper signs off-

I looked for the razor.

And found it. I dragged it across my skin... and it broke.

"DAMN MY VAMPIRE SKIN!" I screamed at the ceiling.

"SHUT UP JASPER! WE CAN ALL HEAR YOU!" Everyone downstairs screamed.

"YOU'RE VAMPIRES OF COURSE YOU CAN HEAR ME!" I screamed at the carpet.

"STOP BEING EMO AND COME DOWN HERE AND PLAY TAG!" Alice called.

"I HATE LIFE!" And I smashed a plant over my head.

"DID YOU JUST SMASH GEORGE!?" Alice screamed.

"IT WAS A PLANT!"

"GEORGE! NO!!" She was in the room in a flash.

"HE WAS SO YOUNG!" She cried.

"He's been sitting there for 10 years" I said.

"Oh."


	11. Dress Time!

I skipped around in circles singing.  
When suddenly...

A METOR CAME CRASHING DOWN TO EARTH AND LANDED IN MY PANTS!

"JASPER! STOP THINKING SO LOUD!!" Edward yelled up the stairs.  
"Sorry!" I said.  
"And a metor in your pants? Whats wrong with you?"  
"I dunno! Maybe it's the fact that Alice is making me wear this DRESS!" I said, giving her a dirty look as she tied the ribbons in the back.  
"Oh It's not THAT bad!" She said.  
Thats what you think!  
"Yeah I know Jazz! You should've seen the dress she tried to get on me!" Edward said, I heard him laughing at my thoughts.  
"Whats so funny?" Alice asked.  
"Nothing" Edward and I said toghether.  
"EDWARD GET UP HERE AND EXPLAIN!" Screamed Alice.  
"Nah! I think I'll go see Bella" Then there was a slam. Which was no doubt Edward's car door.  
Alice muttered angrily.  
"Why are you putting me in a dress anyways?"  
"Because you need to be pretty!"  
"I am pretty!"  
"Nonsense! You shouldve seen yourself before I came along!"  
"You implying something?"  
"Maybe..." Then she stopped, "Finished!"  
I looked in the mirror. It was a frilly pink dress that a princess would wear. It was puffy and full of bows and ribbons and buttons.  
"ALICE! YOURE DEAD!" I screamed, turning around. There was a small breeze and a soft laugh as she whized past me.  
I followed her down the steps and tackled her.  
We flew on to the couch.

Esme walked in and her jaw dropped, "WHEN DID YOU START CROSS DRESSING!?" She screamed.  
"It's not what it looks like! Alice dressed me!" I said quickly.  
Esme looked at Alice and frowned, "Did you?"  
"No! He went and stole it! And I ran down here to tell you and he tackled me!" She lied.  
"NO I DID NOT!"  
"JASPER WHITLOCK CULLEN! YOU ARE GROUNDED! YOU DO NOT STEAL WOMENS CLOTHES! LET ALONE ALICE'S DRESSES!" She screamed at me, storming up stairs.  
Alice stuck her tongue out and slide out from underneath me.  
"You're so dead!" I hissed as she skipped away.  
"AND WE WILL HAVE NONE OF THAT TALK EITHER YOUNG MAN!" Esme screeched down the steps.  
Emmett walked into the living room wondering about the noise I bet. His confusion suddenly stopped when he saw me.  
"OHMYGOD! YOU'RE WEARING A DRESS!" He shouted before cracking up. He fell on the floor laughing as I stormed past the t.v and gave him a good kick before stomping up to my room to plan murdering Alice.  
"That won't work" Alice said softly appearing in the doorway, grinning evily. Her arms were behind her back.  
"What do you have behind your back?" I asked her suspiciously.  
"Oh nothing..." She said, "Just a pretty crown for a pretty princess such as yourself!" She pulled out a plastic pink crown.  
"YOU ARE SO DEAD!" I screamed, lunging at her.  
"WAIT! YOU MIGHT BREAK THE HEELS!" She screamed, running off.  
The heels!?  
Then I tripped over a box.  
No doubt she dropped it for a fast get away.

Esme stormed into the hallway, "YOU ARE GROUNDED TO THE HOUSE FOR THE NEXT TEN WEEKS!" She screeched.  
Then she walked off muttering about teens and recklessness and messes.

Damn Alice.


End file.
